


After Everything

by rumpelsnorcack



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 19:03:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2703095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rumpelsnorcack/pseuds/rumpelsnorcack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the days following the Battle for Hogwarts Harry and Ginny reunite. But things don't go as smoothly as they had hoped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am slowly transferring my fic from other sites over to this one. This one was originally posted in 2008.

He grimaced as he looked into the old mirror. The room was run down and looked grimy and unwelcoming, but to Harry it was like paradise, a haven in the ugliness that had been surrounding him. He himself looked terrible. His eyes were bloodshot and there were large shadows carved into the flesh below. This was not how he would choose to look when seeing her again, but he had no choice. And if she really cared for him (and sometimes in his worst moments he believed that she never could forgive him everything he had put her through this last year) she wouldn't care what he looked like. He snorted as he gazed at his face, amused by his own vanity. Any normal person would be proud of his achievements and be sure of his reception as the hero who destroyed the darkest wizard of all time, but not Harry. No, he stared at himself in the mirror and was unhappy with what he saw. He knew it was because he wasn't in love with a normal person. Ginny was a spitfire in human clothing and he could never entirely predict how she would react. One thing he was sure of was that she would understand what he had done and why; she knew how crucial defeating Voldemort had been. Oh yes, she would understand, would likely applaud his actions intellectually. But he still wasn't sure if she could forgive him for leaving her without saying goodbye, for allowing her to think he was dead. Her voice tearing through him as he lay in Hagrid's arms had caused him the most pain. Ron and Hermione, Professor McGonagall, they all made his heart bleed with the pain of deceiving them, but it was Ginny's voice that almost caused him to give it all up, to reach out to her to reassure her that he was OK. It was in her voice that he could hear the agony of love ripped away by death.

Seeing her afterwards in the Great Hall with her mother as they mourned the loss in their family while also quietly celebrating the downfall of Voldemort was heart wrenching. He felt as if he was unable to intrude on that time so he waited, taking himself off with Ron and Hermione until he could find the right words to use in order to explain himself to her. Since then he had seen her, talked to her, even laughed with her but neither of them had broached the subject that loomed between them; so they were awkward with each other and instead of getting easier with time Harry was finding the important conversation harder and harder to instigate.

Taking one final look in the mirror, Harry steeled himself. Tonight he was going to talk to her. Tonight he was going to find out once and for all if there was hope for their relationship. He took a deep breath; he would talk to her after he had a few drinks with the still-celebrating throng to calm his nerves. He grabbed his money bag and headed down the stairs to the main bar of the Hog's Head Inn.

***

Sitting with her head on her mother's shoulder, Ginny was nonetheless acutely aware of Harry and his position in the Hall. She was not a weak person, by any stretch of the imagination, but the terror she felt over his safety had not waned with the fall of Voldemort's body to the floor. She didn't think it would ever completely disappear: the horrific image of seeing his lifeless body held aloft in Hagrid's arms with Voldemort crowing over it was indelibly etched in her memory. Only by keeping him firmly in sight was she able to relax at all. She noticed as he disappeared under his cloak and a burst of fear shot through her. But soon after she noticed Ron and Hermione start and get up and leave the room. For the moment he was OK; he was in good hands with those two and she needed to turn her attention to her mother. Molly had aged a decade that night it seemed. The burst of adrenalin that had caused her to rush in and attack Bellatrix Lestrange had leached out when the witch had died and had left her a pale shell. Ginny pulled away from her mother and looked her in the face. Molly's lips quivered as she looked first at Ginny and pushed her hair back off her face with a watery smile, then glanced around the room. As the sun rose the group around them had swelled with new arrivals eager to see for themselves that the hated wizard had been defeated at last. They were surrounded by joy and grief which was reflected in their own faces as they looked around. As much as Ginny longed to be with Harry, to talk to him, to reconnect on some meaningful level, she knew that right now her mother needed her the most. So she remained where she was, snuggled with her mother's arm around her waist, and closed her weary eyes.

In the days that followed she grew more and more frustrated. Harry was distant with her, awkward and nervous. He was almost the way he had been back when they were getting together: unsure of himself, of her and the reception of others around them. She was lost in a maelstrom of feelings; needing him with an almost physical ache but still raw with the pain of losing Fred. Ginny desperately wanted to have a real talk with Harry but for once she didn't know how to approach him. There was a huge gap between them, caused by Fred's death and his own, and she couldn't bridge it; she needed him to cross back to her. She sat lost in thought at the bar as the others danced around her. The wake they had held for the battle dead was over and the celebrations for the freedom of their world and way of life were beginning. Harry was in the midst of the group and she was getting more and more frustrated as she wished him over to her side, to finally discuss what was uppermost in her thoughts of him. As if he had heard her call, suddenly he was there beside her. She smiled up at him and said in a horribly forced voice 'Hi Harry, great party, isn't it?' She grimaced as she said it, and to cover her awkwardness she really looked at him and noticed the nerves playing over the well-known, beloved features. She smiled to herself; it was OK, he wanted to talk now so everything was going to be alright. She took his hand and drew him out of the room and into the mellow night.


	2. Chapter 2

He was breathless from dancing and laughing, but he knew he was being a coward. Instead of getting one drink and going to her he had allowed himself to be drawn into the celebrating throng. He had told himself it was his duty to them, but deep inside he knew he was just avoiding talking to Ginny. Harry sighed and steeled himself to go over to her – after that drink. He gently disentangled himself from the still-celebrating throng and made his way to the bar here at the Hog's Head.

'A pint please … whatever's strongest, thanks.'

Harry was steeling himself, 'getting some backbone' as he called it. It was time. They had been celebrating for days now, and he had of course seen Ginny, even talked to her about inconsequential things. But it had never seemed to be the right moment to have that real talk; there were always so many other people around. But avoidance wasn't going to make it any easier. In fact he was finding it more difficult by the minute.

Glancing down the bar he noticed that she was also apart from the crowd. Of course: for the Weasleys this celebration was inevitably tinged with sadness. A shiver of fear shot through him as he thought about what that sadness might mean for her, for them, but he pushed it firmly aside and moved over to her. He had to remind himself once again that he had defeated Voldemort; so why was he finding this so hard?

'Hi Harry' she smiled, too brightly. 'Great party, isn't it?'

'What? Oh … er … yeah. I guess so.' Harry smiled nervously. 'Listen, Ginny … it's a bit loud in here. D'ya want to go for a walk, or something?'

Instantly understanding why he was so nervous Ginny slid off her stool and slipped her hand into his. Squeezing his hand reassuringly she drew him out of the room and into the cool of the dusky evening.

She knew what was coming, that he finally wanted to talk properly, and nerves assaulted her. Her hand trembled in his as they walked, but she drew comfort from the fact that he didn't pull away from her. Surely if he wanted to make their break up permanent he wouldn't hold her hand so tightly. Surely? Finally he spoke.

'Ginny, I …' Harry took a deep breath and turned to face her, still holding one of her hands firmly in his. In that moment Ginny knew she had to speak first or lose the chance to speak at all.

'No, I need to say something Harry.' She looked up at him and was astonished to feel tears in her eyes. Not now of all times! She was not going to cry. Taking a quick moment to gather her thoughts and blink the tears away, Ginny almost lost herself in his green eyes.

'I waited all year for you.' She murmured.

I know … I …' he stammered out.

For some reason his nerves relaxed her and she grinned cheekily: 'I'm not finished, Harry Potter.'

'Sorry,' he smiled down at her, beginning to relax himself.

'That's better,' she grinned, before continuing. 'I went through hell imagining what you were doing and where you were … and it must have been even worse for you. But never once during that time did I doubt you.'

Dammit the tears were coming again. Her emotions were poised so closely between laughter and agony these days that she was swinging madly from one extreme to the other.

Harry breathed in her scent as they stood there, taking in what she was saying along with the sweet smell of her. She was trembling again, her poise shattering as she relived the past. His heart was thumping in his chest as he listened to her speak, hearing her voice crack with the memories. Anxious thoughts skated through his mind: What was she saying? Didn't she want him anymore?

'When I thought you were - well, when Hagrid brought you out of the forest …' Harry grimaced, remembering again the sound of her agonised voice ripping through him, and she squeezed his hand again and continued, 'I died inside. It was like the world ended.'

Without really realising how it happened his arms had wound around her and he was whispering apologies to her, burying his face in her hair so she wouldn't see the tears slipping down his face too. He knew without her having to explain that what he had done, what he'd had to do, had hurt her unbearably; it showed in the way she was standing so closed in on herself and in the voice that seemed diminished somehow from the one he remembered. But he also knew that he didn't need to explain himself; she understood why he had done it.

'Ginny … Gin, I'm sorry.' He cupped her face in his hands, silently begging her to look at him. 'I wish I could have spared you from it, but I couldn't. All I can do is tell you that when I thought it was over...' He stopped and took one deep, sharp breath in and her arms clutched convulsively around him, 'I thought of you. You were the last thing to cross my mind. And I swear to you, I swear … that if you'll have me again you will always be the last thing I think of.'

She did let out a sob then, and buried her face in his chest. After a moment she pulled herself together and looked up at him. He was looking at her earnestly and with a little uncertainty. His insecurity tugged at her heart and made her reach up to him, a fierce and possessive look on her face. After everything, it seemed he was still unsure whether she would forgive him for breaking up with her, for leaving her to her worry and fear for so many long months. So she let him know without words. Their lips met and she promised him silently that she would always be there for him.


	3. Chapter 3

They broke apart and he smiled down at her half shocked, half exhilarated. He wasn't naïve enough to think that there was nothing left to talk about, but at least they had worked out the most important thing: they had a viable relationship even after all the trauma and pain. He could see a shadow still flitting in her eyes and it pained him. That shadow hadn't been there before - well, before Harry had died and he knew it was fear of and for him. Of course some of it was directly related to Fred, but not all.

The thought of Fred sent a shadow skittering across Harry's face and Ginny, who was watching him closely, still afraid he would disappear if she lost sight of him, caught it as it passed. She patted him tenderly on the cheek and said 'I miss him too, Harry. There're times and days when it doesn't feel real and I think I'll see him walk in the room cracking a joke. Then I catch sight of George's face.' Ginny's own face crumpled and she shook her head to clear it of the sad thoughts. Harry squeezed her shoulder, and she smiled at him gratefully, 'Well, let's go inside and enjoy ourselves for a bit, hmmm?'

They re-entered the crowded barroom still clutching each others' hands. Molly, who was in a corner with Arthur, saw them arrive together and smiled genuinely for the first time since that horrific moment days (or was it years?) ago when Percy had found her and gasped out his shattering news. She nudged Arthur in the ribs and indicated towards Ginny, who noticed them watching and whispered something to Harry. They made their way over to her parents, and when Ginny arrived she dropped Harry's hand and hugged her mother.

Arthur looked at Harry and clapped him on the shoulder. 'Just … treat her well, OK?' he said with a catch in his voice.

'I will, Mr Weasley' promised Harry, 'You know me, I like a quiet life.'

Molly let out a watery, reminiscent chuckle as she turned to hug Harry.

'Well, after everything you certainly deserve it. I couldn't have let her go to anyone less worthy.' She let him go but smiled tenderly at him and then at Ginny.

Harry shrugged in embarrassment and Ginny sniggered and pulled him away, telling her parents they would be back shortly with some drinks. Molly watched them go and sighed as Arthur pulled her against his side.

'We need a bit of happiness in our lives Molly,' he said gruffly, 'and that boy deserves it more than most. Let's just be glad that he chose our girl to help him towards that happiness.'

Molly smiled up at him and agreed. He gently took her hand and led her over to the dance floor where they were welcomed with warmth and compassion by their friends.

Harry was floating on happiness for the next few months but that happiness was marred by the knowledge that something was still holding Ginny back. She was warm and caring, happy to be with him and fully understanding of what he had done but he could still tell she was holding something at bay; something that seemed only as thick as a sheet of paper but that was still coming between them. This wasn't the Ginny he remembered from his sixth year. That Ginny had given him her all, poured her soul into being with him; this Ginny seemed to be holding something in reserve. Watching her with her family one afternoon at the Burrow, Harry knew what he had to do. If he tried to talk to her about it she always countered with 'Nothing's wrong, Harry. You're imagining things,' so he knew the only way to make her listen to him was to write it down. He excused himself, made his way to the room he was sharing with George, and began to write.

Ginny was struggling emotionally. She was unbelievably happy to have Harry and spend time with him, but she was also aware of the barrier between them. Yes, she knew why Harry had been unable to say his goodbyes. She understood that to have spoken to any one of them: to her, Ron or Hermione, to have even written a note to them, would have made it impossible for him to do what he had to do. The thought of what he must have gone through in that half hour ripped her heart in two, and the fact that he had to bear it alone with no-one to comfort him or help him was excruciating. Yes, Ginny knew perfectly well all Harry's reasons for what he had done and why. Intellectually she understood and her heart bled for his pain in those moments. But she was also irrationally hurt that he hadn't stopped and talked to her as he passed.

He had told her the story of passing by her in the school grounds as she sat with the injured girl, and she remembered the moment vividly. She had felt his presence and felt a stab of fear as he had moved by her; the memory of that fear had returned and crashed in on her as she had seen his body carried aloft with Hagrid's tears dripping down on him. The feelings of hurt were only minor compared to the fierce pride she felt in him and her understanding of the reasons why Harry had been unable to voice his thoughts, but the hurt was slowly festering and poisoning her time with him.

She climbed wearily to her room and dropped onto her bed. Too often of late she was overcome by feelings of listlessness and lethargy that threatened to engulf her. At those times she would retire to her bedroom and force herself into a more cheerful frame of mind. Her parents really didn't need her to be adding to their sadness as well. They put up a pretty good front but she could tell they were still devastated by the death of Fred. And every time someone caught a look at George it was impossible not to remember the things they had lost. He was a constant vivid reminder of Fred and the lost, haunted face seemed so wrong that it screamed out what was missing: laughter and joy. Worst of all was the knowledge that she would be heading back to Hogwarts in a week and the barrier between her and Harry could only get larger while she was there and she would no longer be with her parents and family. Hermione would be there and that was a comfort but none of her family would be there and neither would Harry.

Today, she just couldn't pull herself out of her slump; she sighed and fell backwards onto her pillows and as she did so she noticed a folded piece of paper lying on her dresser. Puzzled, but momentarily relieved from her sour musings, she reached over to pick it up. Her heart began to beat faster as she read the opening lines.

_Ginny_

_I love you, you know that. But I feel like there's something between us that is holding you back. I think I know what it is and I need to talk to you about it. Since you won't talk to me about this in person, I just hope you'll listen as I write it down._

She put the paper down. Was she really ready to confront what was between them? She knew she needed to get rid of the festering, lingering hurt and the anxiety she still felt whenever Harry wasn't with her. Taking a deep breath Ginny picked up the paper again and began to read.

 


	4. Chapter 4

_Ginny_

_I love you, you know that. But I feel like there's something between us that is holding you back. I think I know what it is and I need to talk to you about it. Since you won't talk to me about this in person, I just hope you'll listen as I write it down._

_Ok, this is hard, but here goes: I was feeling a hundred things as I was thrown out of the pensieve that night. Horror at what I had seen, deep guilt for the way I had felt about Snape, betrayed by Dumbledore, and overarching it all a terrible fear of what I had to do. Everything became focussed down into that tiny atom of knowledge. I had to die; it was the only way Voldemort could be defeated. I know you know all this but please just hear me out. It's not that I didn't love you or Ron, Hermione or anyone else. I loved you all too much to have you bear the burden of foreknowledge with me. It hurt too much to think of you all trying to stop me, and I also knew I was too weak. If I said anything to any of you I knew I'd let you talk me out of it. Especially you, Ginny. If you had spoken to me I know I couldn't have carried on. It was hard enough walking past you, stopping would have meant stopping forever._

_I know I should have written a note, at the very least I owed that to you and Ron and Hermione too. But I just couldn't. Writing those words would have made it final, and I could only just carry on without thinking of you all reading those notes and realising. I left Snape's memories in the pensieve thinking that at least you would all realise what I did and why. It was selfish of me, and if I had to do it all again it is the one thing I would want to change, but even now I don't know if I could. I know it was unfair to go off and leave nothing for you; I'm sorry I did that to you. I know it didn't really happen, I didn't really die, but I meant to and I should have so I am terribly sorry. My only excuse is the trauma I was feeling right then, but I know that doesn't excuse me. I'm sorry, Ginny. So sorry for what I intended to do and for what you did have to go through._

_I told you once that you were the last thing I thought of that night, and promised that you always would be. Now it feels like that's not enough. I can't make up for what I did that night, but I can promise that I will never leave you again without saying goodbye. Ginny, I hurt you, I know it. I hope we can work through this, but that can never happen if you won't open up to me and tell me how you feel. Please, when you've read this letter, come and find me. I will be outside where we used to play quidditch when I visited in the summer. We need to talk about this._

_I love you_

_Harry_

Without her realising it, tears were pouring down Ginny's face. As she put the paper down again she noticed them and gave a hasty, angry wipe to her cheeks. , but could she face it? The letter had said nothing that she didn't already know, but reading it in Harry's handwriting, seeing the writing so hesitant in places, brought it home to her how much the distance between them was hurting him … was hurting them. Ginny was no coward, so she faced finally the truth: that she had to talk to Harry about her feelings. This slow festering was unhealthy. It needed to be lanced for this relationship to become what she knew it could and should be. Taking a deep breath to steady herself Ginny stood and walked out of the room towards the orchard where they used to play quidditch.

Ginny could walk silently when she wished so she was able to approach Harry before he noticed her there. He was standing with his back to her, and the way he was holding himself suggested tension and uncertainty. He was clearly fidgety and nervous, unable to stand in one spot but not consciously moving either. Ginny's heart reached out to him and he finally turned and saw her. She watched him as the reminders of the last year chased each other over his face. Guilt tugged at her because she knew that her little hurt was nothing compared to his. He had believed he was going to die, he had denied himself the release of talking to others and yet she was feeling hurt by his actions. She held out a hand to him and he walked towards her. Suddenly feeling awkward, Ginny made some inane comments about what it had been like when they played quidditch here in the early days of the war. Harry ignored the comments and just looked down at her intently.

'We need to talk, Ginny. Are you really ready?'

Nodding, Ginny said 'yes.'

'Well …' now that the moment was here, Harry was unsure how to begin. It had been hard writing that letter, but it was easier than this.

'I feel hurt,' said Ginny abruptly.

Harry blinked and looked at her with some trepidation. Whatever he had expected it wasn't this.

'And I feel guilty for feeling hurt. I'm a mess, really.'

Harry brushed her hair off her face. 'No, you're not,' he said. 'So, why do you feel hurt?'

'That you just were going to die with no goodbye. I understand it, I do,' she reassured him as he opened his mouth to speak. 'But …' she bit her lip and looked at him.

His eyes had become fixed and wide in his face and the colour had drained from him. He realised in that moment that it was one thing to think something might be true, but it was completely different to hear the words for real. It was all coming down to this one moment. Could they get past this point where what he had done seared her so badly?

'I … have no excuse,' he admitted. 'I was thinking only of myself that night, of what I had to do. I was selfish and cruel in what I did, and it has hurt you and I understand that. All I can do is listen as you talk and say again that I'm sorry.'

He pulled her down to sit beside him leaning up against the trunk of a large apple tree. She curled into him, protectively fastening her arms around herself, and nodded.

'I do need to talk,' she whispered. 'I need to get it out, and I know a lot of what I feel is unfair, but it's festering inside me and I need to get rid of it somehow.'

Harry brushed her hair back and leaned his chin on her head, pulling her into a protective embrace.

'I know. And I'm sure it will hurt to hear you say it … but we need to do this or we'll never move past this stagnant place we're in now.'

'I think I need to tell you my story … the story of what happened this past year so you understand where I'm coming from.'

Ginny pulled back and looked up at Harry, her eyes fierce. 'And no matter what I say Potter, you are not to pity me … or try to protect me … or do any of your other silly 'saving people' things. OK? I can't cope with being saved as well as dwelling in all these emotions'

Despite the way his heart clenched in fear at her words Harry understood that she was trying to lighten the tone of the conversation, so he merely snorted and said 'Weasley, I wouldn't dare.'

On a slightly lighter note, wrapped comfortably in Harry's arms in the warm orchard, Ginny began to tell her tale.


	5. Chapter 5

_September 1_ _st_ _, 1997._

_Ginny couldn't help contrasting this trip to Hogwarts with the one the year previous. Last year Harry, Ron and Hermione were still there, she was going out with Dean and despite knowing there was a war on there_ _had been a sense of peace and security in returning to Hogwarts. By contrast, this year ministry officials roamed the corridors, there were no student prefects and all students had been herded into their compartments and locking charms had been placed on all the doors. She had managed to secure one with Neville and Luna and the three of them were hushed and sombre. And towering over them from the walls were large posters with the wizarding world's most wanted on them. 'Undesirable No. 1' looked sadly down at them, and Ginny's heart ached as she looked at the poster. Knowing that Voldemort was in power and was targeting Harry made Ginny feel helpless. He may have thought they were broken up but Ginny knew better. The birthday kiss had sealed it for her: she and Harry were as 'ex' as her parents._ Harry snorted softly with barely suppressed chuckles making Ginny's hair blow across her face. 'Smart girl' he smiled, 'smarter than me anyway …' 'Shhhhh, Harry, you're ruining the mood,' Ginny warned, giggling as she returned to the story.  _Harry was out there somewhere doing something to attack Voldemort and yet she was unable to help him. Sitting meekly and just taking what the ministry dished out wasn't good enough for Ginny; she needed to do something to help._

_Looking around to be sure the ministry officials weren't anywhere near their compartment, Ginny leaned forward and caught the attention of Luna and Neville: 'Listen guys, I think we need to do something. We can't just sit here and let this new Hogwarts regime take over without a fight.'_

' _But what can we do?' asked Neville._

' _We need to resurrect the DA.'_

_Of course it wasn't as easy as that, but in relatively little time they had sounded out trustworthy students and managed to get them practicing the defence strategies and sneaking out after hours to write messages of hope on the castle walls. A week after getting to the castle she had been caught out after hours trying to smear a slogan onto one of the walls. Thankfully she hadn't yet started to write when she was caught so the punishment was relatively light. Even so it left her in pain for days after as she had been assigned to be the test subject for the entire third year Dark Arts class's cruciatus curse 'practice.'_

Harry clenched her convulsively and buried his face in her hair. This was worse than he had thought it would be; it was so hard to listen to her repeat what had happened sometimes with her voice blazing with pride in what she had done, other times quivering slightly as she recalled the punishment. Harry finally understood a little of why Ron had been so frantic at Malfoy Manor while Hermione was in Bellatrix Lestrange's hands; just hearing about it was excruciating … actually being there helpless to stop it would have been torture. Ginny turned to look at Harry, and forced him to look at her, eyes swimming with unshed tears.

'You promised Harry … it's hard enough to say all this without…'

'I know,' he groaned. 'I know … I won't say anything, but you can't expect me not to feel...'

She nodded, settled back against him and carried on talking, reassured that he would at least try to let her talk without incident.

_Life at Hogwarts was brutal that year; that was the first of many similar punishments. Ginny had thought things were bad under Umbridge, and yet Snape as Head and the Carrows as teachers made Umbridge look like a pink poodle. The only thing that made life feel beneficial was the efforts of the DA. They weren't merely learning spells and ji_ _nxes this time; no, she, Neville and Luna had organised a true underground resistance. They led forays into enemy territory and had meetings to decide how best to undermine the Death Eater influence in the school. It felt like they were making a real difference. Even those who weren't in the DA seemed heartened that_ someone _was able to make a stand under the teachers' noses. Of course, it didn't go unnoticed, but for the most part Ginny, Neville and Luna escaped detection as leaders of the underground DA._

_But even so it was soon, too soon that Ginny and her friends all sported cuts, bruises and a variety of pains left over from the extended cruciatus curse sessions they were subjected to. Pure Bloods may_ _have been left more or less intact but they were not spared punishment for even the slightest deviation from ministry ideals. No-one walked the corridors anymore after classes because the consequences were too harsh. But Ginny endured the punishments with a fierce pride because overarching it all was the feeling that she was doing all this to help Harry. She believed that one day he would come back and need the support of the DA. She was building a student army for Harry, so that when he did return to Hogwarts they would be there for him._

Guilt washed over Harry; he had not had an easy year, of course he hadn't. But her year had been terrible as well, and she had endured so much of it for him, and when he did see her again what did he do? Try to protect her. And walk away from her leaving nothing as comfort. Of course this was festering in her … of course she couldn't quite forgive him yet. She had taken on an adult's role that year and he had tried to make her a child again when he returned. He dropped a kiss on her ear and whispered 'I'm sorry'

She twisted around again and glared at him. 'This is not your fault, Harry! I'm not trying to make you feel guilty; I'm just explaining how things were for me. I need you to know, the same way I needed to know what you were doing the whole time.' She grinned cheekily. 'Besides, it wasn't all bad.'

_The night Ginny, Neville and Luna had tried to get Gryffindor's sword out of Snape's office should have been the worst, should have generated the trio's worst and most painful punishment to date, and yet Snape had sent them into the forest with Hagrid. Ginny had expected a brutal practice session and had instead got a fun filled time in the forest with Hagrid and her friends. It had been almost freeing after the oppressive feeling of the castle. Annoyed though she was at herself for not managing to secure the sword, she was still happy to be free in the forest and away from the watchful eye of Voldemort's stooges._

Harry's heart ached. Ginny was putting a brave face on what had happened last year but he could tell she wasn't even remotely amused although she was making a good show of it. He turned his head and whispered into her hair, 'when we heard about you stealing the sword Ron left us and stormed off to Shell Cottage, but I expected him to go home and then to Hogwarts. I looked for him on my map. He never appeared, but I found you on there and from then on I watched you every night.' He stopped as guilt washed over him yet again. Then he continued in an agonised voice 'I thought you were safe in Gryffindor Tower; I never realised no-one was safe anywhere.'

Ginny brushed off this new attempt at guilt on Harry's part and took note of the hope he revealed: 'You watched me? All that time?'

Grinning shyly he nodded, 'yes, and I was stupid about it too. I kept calling you my 'ex-girlfriend' in my mind, and yet I was focussing so hard on you and wanting you to be happy. I didn't realise then that we weren't really broken up, just on hold.'

Ginny snorted, 'too right Potter! Glad you came to your senses finally,' she twisted round and kissed him gently. 'Now, am I allowed to continue yet?'

As always Ginny's humour broke the tension, and they settled back down so she could finish telling him about her experiences.

 


	6. Chapter 6

_Being unable to retrieve Gryffindor's Sword was annoying, but it didn't deter Ginny and her friends from their efforts to undermine Snape. Within weeks Ginny had been banned from Hogsmeade weekend visits. She had organised a meeting of the DA to place magical banners with phrases like 'Snape Sucks' and 'Resist the Oppressor of Hogwarts' all through the village. Unfortunately Ginny was seen hanging one of the banners, and tracked to the group. Most of the students got away but Ginny was caught by Snape himself and subjected to snide taunts about how Harry had been better as a leader of the resistance and how she and her worthless friends had single handedly managed to reintroduce Educational Decree Number 24._

'Wait a minute,' Harry said. 'Snape said that about me?'

'Yep, he said you were twice the leader I'd ever be, and if you had been around then the group would never have been tracked through a member's stupidity. Him being nice about you made me feel almost soft towards him,' Ginny giggled. 'And I'm pretty sure that it was only because it was Snape who found me that I wasn't subjected to the Cruciatus curse again. I didn't understand it at the time, but after hearing what you said in the Great Hall that day, I think he was protecting us in his own weird way.'

'Yeah probably, but that's one person I'm still conflicted on, Gin. Let's not talk about him anymore right now,' he laughed softly, 'you make a much more interesting topic of conversation.'

_Life carried on much the same way in the castle for a few weeks but then things slowly got worse. Students started to disappear without warning, and rumours abounded about where they were and what they might be being subjected to. Luna failed to return after the Christmas holidays, and no-one knew what had happened to her; Ginny worried constantly about where Luna may be, but rather than having the int_ _imidation effect that the Death Eaters were hoping for, the disappearances merely strengthened the resolve of those left in the DA . Punishments doled out by Snape always appeared to be harsh but in reality never really were. On the other hand Ginny and Neville were still often caught by the other teachers and the cruciatus curse was still the favoured punishment of the Carrows. Ginny was seldom free from the muscular pain that lingered for days after being subjected to the curse, but through it all she held her head high. She and Neville kept fighting in recognition of Luna and her unique spirit; refusing to be bowed down by the measures that were getting slowly harsher in the castle. Through it all Ginny held onto the knowledge that Harry was out there fighting the same fight she was. That he was working to bring down Voldemort and his Death Eaters and that Ginny was helping his cause._

_Then came the joyous and yet terrifying day during the Easter holidays when she was enjoying time at home with her family. News they had been hoping for since Bill's wedding finally arrived, but it was grim. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Luna, Mr Ollivander and Dean Thomas were all at Shell Cottage with Bill and Fleur but the situation was dire. It had finally been revealed to Voldemort and his Death eaters that Ron was not home ill and that he had in fact been with 'Undesirable No.1' this whole time. Hermione had been brutally tortured and it was no longer safe for Ginny to return to school. In fact they all had to go into hiding and were hastily packed and accommodated at Aunt Muriel's house._

_Ginny couldn't help it; she cried. Hearing what had happened to Hermione, knowing Ron was safe, and Luna and all the others was emotional for her, but it was hearing that Harry was OK that tipped her over. She took a few minutes after getting to Muriel's, excusing herself to unpack, where she just sobbed with the relief of knowing that Harry was still alive, still fighting. Until that moment she hadn't allowed herself to face the niggling worry she had that he had been caught. But now she knew he was fine she faced her fears. If Harry died, Ginny knew she would die right along with him._

Once again Harry couldn't help but pull her close reflexively. He finally realised what he should have faced up to long ago: Ginny had lived with the fear of his death hanging over her the whole of the year that he had spent hunting Horcruxes. He hadn't allowed himself contact with anyone because it was too dangerous for those he tried to reach out to, but that didn't mean they didn't worry. He had Ginny's dot at Hogwarts to reassure himself with, but she had nothing. He had been selfish, unintentionally selfish, as he hadn't spared a thought for how she must be feeling. So of course she had worried about him, and that made it even worse that he had gone to his death without leaving even a note for her. She had to see him dead in Hagrid's arms and know that, after believing that he was fine for those few shining days before they left Shell Cottage again, he  _wasn't_  OK; would never be OK. Harry understood finally why she was having a hard time truly getting past his thoughtlessness. She understood him, knew what he had done was necessary, even understood to some extent what walking to your own death was like. And yet the one thing she had feared all the time at Hogwarts had come true and he had known it was coming and made the decision to leave nothing for her to cling to after he died.

'I understand,' he said finally in a shaking voice. 'I really was selfish and thoughtless that year; I never once thought about how you must be feeling. I think I assumed that since we had broken up that you were safe and OK, and wouldn't worry about me.' He snorted at his presumption. 'I've been really dense, Gin. But I swear I will think things through better in the future.'

Ginny twisted around and glared at him once again. 'Now listen here, Harry Potter. I did not tell you all these things for you make it your fault!'

'But I … but it …'

'No, Harry.' And now Ginny had moved from the protective, cradled position she had been in while she was telling her tale, and was fairly blazing with anger and passion as she thumped herself down on his knees and forced him to look at her. Even through his shock in her abrupt change of attitude Harry couldn't recall seeing her looking more beautiful. Her hair flamed around her in the bright sun and she looked so fierce and Ginny-like. She no longer had the slightly defeated look she had worn since the Battle had ended.

Looking properly at Harry, Ginny realised that he was in pain. He had only just faced what she had lived with for so long, and he had only now been shown that he hadn't thought outside of his own needs, outside his own experiences. Of course he was consumed with the guilt of this. Guilt was Harry's middle name after all. Ginny's expression softened as she looked into his eyes. She said gently 'I think all I needed to do was talk about it, Harry. I don't want you to feel guilty about it ever. Your letter more than adequately explained why you did things the way you did them, but it couldn't erase these feelings of hurt I had. But I think telling you my story has finally lanced the wound. I feel free and strong again now.'

She leaned forward and kissed him fiercely, and finally … finally he felt like he had his Ginny back. Once again she was putting her whole soul into being with him. As they broke apart she looked at him quizzically.

'Why do you look like a stunned mullet?' she grinned.

'I don't know. I think I've just been on a rollercoaster ride, Gin. Hearing that … knowing … it was hard to hear.'

'Try living it' she said wryly, and he laughed.

'Well, if I learned one thing from today it's that neither of us had an easy time during that endless year. And that at least one of us is completely clueless when it comes to romance.'

'OK, I'll give you that one Potter. You are definitely clueless!'

'Not so clueless now,' he smiled at her. 'I love you Ginny; I think I always did but didn't allow myself to give in to it.'

She smiled back at him, 'No, not so clueless right now. I love you too Harry. But unlike you, I have always known it.'

He chuckled, and they lost themselves in each other again, finally sealing their love and letting go of the past with another lingering kiss. Harry was still shell shocked from what he had heard and from the emotions that had been wrung out of him, but he knew, and so did Ginny, that they were OK now. They still had wounds and those wounds would take time to heal. But those wounds were clean now, all that had made them fester had been washed out during the afternoon, and so Harry knew they would heal clean.

In the distance they could hear someone calling, and slowly realised that it was getting late and they had been talking for hours. Ginny leaned forward again and gently brushed his lips with hers.

'Come on,' she said standing up and offering him her hand, 'we'd better go in before one of my brothers blows a gasket.'

Together they walked back to the house, hand in hand. Ron met them on the way and started in on furious recriminations about wandering off alone and not telling anyone where they were going to be. But then he got a good look at Harry's white and drawn face and subsided, realising that something had happened.

Harry squeezed Ginny's hand and asked her to give him and Ron some time. She smiled at him cheekily and with a saucy look at Ron, knowing that she would rile him up, Ginny threw her arms around Harry and kissed him thoroughly. Harry, although taken by surprise, joined in enthusiastically, until Ron's composure could take it no longer.

'Oi! I came out here to prevent this sort of carry on! Keep that sort of thing behind closed doors!' Chuckling, Ginny broke away and headed to the house to help her mother with dinner.

When she had gone back inside and they were alone Harry told Ron some of what they had talked about. It felt important for him to let Ron know that he finally understood some of the pain Ron had felt at Malfoy Manor while Hermione was tortured.

'And I wasn't there, and I couldn't do anything, mate,' he burbled, 'and it hurt so much to listen to it all.'

Ron was staring at him, ashen faced. Like Harry, he knew life at Hogwarts had been brutal, but he hadn't realised quite how bad it was before hearing what Harry had to say.

'Anyway … I just thought you should know why we were out for so long and I had to tell you that I get it … I get why you were so frantic in that basement. I'm sorry it took this long.'

Ron shrugged in embarrassment. He didn't like remembering that day, hated reliving the impassioned screaming he could hear but not get to; but under it all he appreciated Harry telling him, and even though he hated knowing what Ginny had gone through it felt right somehow that Harry could understand at least a little how it felt. It was like they were true brothers again.

Together the two men looked towards the house. Harry could see Ginny in the kitchen with her mother, making a joke and looking much more like her old self, and he knew in that instant what he wanted to do with his life. He looked over at Ron and saw the same conviction in him. The only important thing was to ensure that the world was free, totally free, from evil and he felt like he had to keep up the fight. Leaving it up to someone else didn't feel right. Ron's face showed the same grim determination: it was time to dust off their old ambition to be aurors!

 


End file.
